Sometimes I do this thing with my mouth that makes a small sound like, “BEE BO, BEE BO.”  I do it because of the mouth shapes it makes.  Maybe I am also trying to be a little like a robot.  BEE BO BEE BO BEE BO.  Pretty sure I look like an idiot when I do this.  Glad nobody sees me or knows I do this sometimes. 

People with drinking problems sometimes try to grab your boobs in a dark bathroom. They wont remember it in the morning but I will still remember it.

Yesterday I found a bottle of “gourmet” margarita mix from 2010 in my liquor “cabinet” which is actually just the floor of my pantry.  So, really, it’s my liquor floor.  I was like, hmmm…I need to dump this shit.  If it was 2011 I could’ve taken the chance, but 2010 is kind of pushing it.  So I threw it out.

This morning while a pot was trying to boil I thought I’d look in my pantry to see if I had any other ancient shit waiting to kill me.  Oh man.  I found a cylinder of Quaker Oats that expired in 2010 AND THEN I FOUND ANOTHER CYLINDER OF THE SAME QUAKER OATS—WITH SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PACKAGING---THAT EXPIRED IN 2009!!  Omg, I suck at life.  Then I found an old opened box of Tapioca pudding and a half empty bag of soy flour from probably 2009.  It’s been a while since I was on that organic soy flour kick.  Wow.  What an eye opener.  I am going to go back into that pantry with a fine toothed comb and I am going to comb the shit out of expiration dated things.

What a loser.  How am I even an adult?