Please Send Me Large Sums of Money

I’m going to make deli sandwiches or something like buffalo wings or onion rings or other things. Food that you eat while sports are on the television. Food that is aggressively not serious. Food that walks barefoot down the sidewalk with mickey mouse gloves on and a summer dress giving out high fives to anyone who wants to be awesome. I’ll make this food, all of it, as it turns out, and I will serve this food feast-style on a coffee table that is made to look like a picnic blanket spread out on a park lawn. I will drizzle plastic ants everywhere. I will open all of the windows in my house and bring out a bucket full of ice and beer bottles (Newcastle) I will do an interpretive dance before letting people ‘dig in’. They will not be able to stop laughing at me while I pour my heart out in movement until they DO stop laughing and then they cry because of how beautiful it (I) is (am). That’s when I know they will be ready to partake of the goodness and that’s when I will freeze my last movement like a record player coming to a stop; slow and deliberate. And after 33 seconds of silence and tear-wiping, they will begin the ‘slow clap’ that will progress into the ‘standing ovation clap’ and that’s when I unfreeze and bow and bow and bow and bow until the noise of their empty stomachs reminds me what they are here for and I tell them...using only my arms, hands and face muscles...to please go ahead and eat. And they do. Using only fingers that I will offer to lick clean while on my hands and knees at half-time.

You want to see me

You can’t see me.

You can see this.

This is what you can see.