New Dogzplot
Lit Pub Shizzz

All of these stairs are forcing me to be reminded of how shitty my knees are. OMG they make so much clicky noises with every step.  I flinch. I’m like, “how do I get up the stairs without using the stairs?” I try to walk up without bending my knees, straight-legged and that is hard to do.  I feel like I keep injuring myself by just walking up some friggin stairs.

How do I get up the stairs without using the stairs?

It is raining. 

I just saw a cat walking in the rain.  I stopped and watched it walk in the rain. I watched a cat walk in the rain.

I played motorcycles last night.  It was an Ironman motorcycle.  The floor was hardwood.  Do you say “played motorcycles” if it was only one motorcycle you played with?

I have two new tattoos this morning.  The exciting one is a sparkly star that is by my eye.  It’s like unicorn thug.  “Does that mean you murdered one person when you were in prison?”  “No, it means I bludgeoned a fairy to death because she fucked with my Hello Kitty thermos.” 

I will go out in public today with my glittery star face tattoo and when people give me a wide berth on the sidewalk I will stare them down like, “yeah, you made the right choice there, bucko….” 

Because, you know, anyone who uses the term “bucko” is a force to be reckoned with.